Archive for the 'Tadpoles' Category

And the answer is….

December 16, 2007

Woot! I have swimmers! What am I talking about? Well, the last step of my vasectomy reversal was checking to see if everything worked, as in did the doctor successfully fix my plumbing. And he did.

So, with that, me and the mrs. are officially baby makin’. Which isn’t as easy as it sounds. You see, when the kid is an accident there is no stress up front because creating your heir isn’t part of your thought process. But when you ARE trying to give the little shit life, suddenly you start thinking a little too hard, no pun intended. And for those of you who don’t know how men work, there is only so much blood to go around, so it’s either keeping something stiff or helping something think about keeping something else stiff. The enemy of a hard on is thought. That pretty much sums up men in general.

But thankfully after a try or two the stress of it all can be overcome (a little Gin helps). And with that let the games begin! What I find most strange is learning about the female side of the equation. When is the best time to find a lonely egg looking for a good time? Don’t get me wrong, I took Biology in high school, so I understand the process, but it is a little intimidating when your wife declares she is primed and we better get to it because the window of opportunity is, um, open.

Now the waiting game begins. I have read so many sites and talked with every parent I know, and they all say the same thing: we just have to let nature take its course. Which pretty much sucks ass because I have the patience of a two year old.

That about sums it up for now. Think happy, and little bit dirty, thoughts for us. We will be working away with vigor. Oh, before I forget, I have a funny story:

Back in June, when we started this process, a little church down the road left a flier on our door. It was for vacation Bible school. About two weeks later two women came knocking as a follow up.

I open the door to see who it is, and there stands two nice ladies, hair up in buns, no makeup, dresses to the ground, lace up to their chins with long sleeves. In the middle of summer in Texas. I like to call their outfits the American burka. They looked as if they had just been farted out of Little House on the Prairie.

But they were pleasant, and I was not raised by wolves, so I said hello and asked what I could do for them both. They in turn asked if I had read their flier and wanted to know if I would be sending any of my offspring to their vacation Bible school. To which I replied with honesty and a big grin, “Well, we don’t have any children just yet, but we are trying just as hard as we can.”

The two women giggled for just a second or two, then tried with all their might to stop smiling as they both turned bright red. It was priceless. They quickly said good-day, still trying not to crack a smile and went on down the street.

Anyhow, that is that and until next time, stand in front of the mirror naked, turn on some music and dance.

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Is that all?

November 6, 2007

Being a lost cause aside, I am also a nervous person. I have a test in two days, a very important test. And I hate tests. What the hell am I talking about, right?

In two days I get to ejaculate in a cup and see if the vasectomy reversal I had last month worked. Now, I won’t actually know the results for another week and a half. So that’s my big surprise, we are trying to conceive. Not really a big surprise except to one person, but she doesn’t read this blog, I hope.

Oh, and in case you didn’t know I had a vasectomy when I was 24. Pretty young, I know. People change, we grow and our priorities change as well. There was a time when the thought of being a father horrified me. But as I have grown older, it has become apparent to me that my distaste for reproducing was in reality a fear of becoming the parent I hated in my parents. It was never about not wanting kids so much as not wanting to relive the family experience I had growing up. I was projecting my worst fears onto reality, in the process denying my true inner feelings.

But in reflecting on my current situation, I am in both an entirely different relationship with my spouse and economic situation overall. I know what I hated about my childhood. And the majority of the things I hate were in direct relation to my parents relationship with each other and consequently with me. Now, I am in no way claiming that I will be a better parent then them, because being better or worse is not my intent. I just don’t want to repeat their mistakes. If I screw up, fine, we are all human. Just please let me be a human who is smart enough to learn how to not repeat bad behavior.

On the other hand, there’s also many things about my childhood that I loved. I hope to repeat those and pass on happy memories to our kid. That word, memories. A good friend once said that life is about the memories. We can make good ones or bad ones. I am starting to understand the wisdom in that, the making of memories. But that’s getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s just say that for the first time in a long time I find myself in a happy place, a peaceful place. I am nervous and all that, but I am also excited. And I feel incredibly lucky to have such an amazing and wonderful spouse to share this experience with.

Before anything else though, there is the test. I just hope my little swimmers are up for the challenge. As for why I had the vasectomy in the first place, that’s for another time. Let’s just say for now that some people would compare me to a Nazi, a slave owner, and a tyrant. But then, some people a just crazy like that. Just crazy.

Why yes, it did feel kind of funny

October 23, 2007

A friend told me today that he and his family went to church last Sunday. They will most likely go back again in the near future.

Another friend told me not that long ago that he put god above his family in importance in his life. He also said that god has a plan.

Still another friend said he was thinking of becoming Jewish, or at least living according to Jewish teachings. He’s in a serious relationship with a Lutheran.

Two of my dearest friends are Pagan clergy and my best friend has a relationship with Jesus.

My family includes Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Atheists and Agnostics.

My father told me to find my own relationship with god. My mother told me I was going to hell, or maybe she said to go to hell.

Most likely both.

She is a Christian.

I, well, am sometimes an atheist, sometimes a Christian, sometimes a Pagan, and sometimes confused.

I wish I could say that I hadn’t spent a rather large part of my time thinking about religion and spirituality and the possibility of the existence of god. But I have.

It really pisses me off.

Because there are so many other really wonderful things to concentrate on, so many real and tangible experiences to have in this life, that wasting it debating the existence of a being that by it’s nature is immeasurable and impossible to prove exists or doesn’t is just, well…

Not that important right now.

And with that I step on over to a new adventure in life. But I can’t say what just yet. It’s a surprise, although it’s no secret.

It’s time to move on to other things. Time to stir it up a little.

What the hell, it’s been fun so far.

I just hope it’s healthy.