From the Book of Beaks

August 21, 2004

An excerpt from The Boomer Bible that fits today’s news.

Chapter 10

What with sand and other
very important issues like
that, the people of the near east
decided the only thing to do was
kill each other,
2 As much as possible,
3 Forever,
4 And so they did.
5 Some of the killing was for
religious reasons,
6 And some of it was for eco-
nomic reasons,
7 But mostly it was for irrecon-
cilable differences,
8 Since they were all completely
and utterly different from each
9 Except for their noses,
10 And their love of sand,
11 And their fanatical devotion
to their religion,
12 And their consuming desire
to annihilate their enemies,
13 Which were usually every-
body else,
14 Including the Iranians,
15 And the Iraqis,
16 And the Saudis,
17 And the Syrians,
18 And the Jordanians,
19 And the Lebanese,
20 And the Israelis,
21 And the Palestinians,
22 And the Kuwaitis,
23 And the Turks,
24 And a bunch of others too,
25 Except the Indians,
26 Who are too busy hating the
Pakistanis to fight about sand,
27 Ever since Mahatma Gan-
dhi pushed the Brits out of
28 By pretending that Indians
were too peace-loving to hate
29 Which is only the second or
third joke ever pulled off in the
middle east.

Chapter 11

And eventually, when the end
of the world comes,
2 It will probably start in the
middle east,
3 Where nobody ever learns,
4 For thousands and thousands
and thousands of years,
5 Which is probably ok,
6 Because when the end of the
world comes,
7 There will finally be peace,
8 For billions and billions and
billions of years,
9 Unless God is crazy enough to
start another creation in the mid-
dle east,
10 Which would exactly double
His current total of middle east

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